You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
