Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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