Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
