Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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