Since when is my name a synonym for head?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
