I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
