So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
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She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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