when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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