look no pants
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
