i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
