So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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