Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
