Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
