low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize