he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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