I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize