She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
