she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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