i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My bed smells like the plague
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
