Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
