If i come over, it means nothing
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
