i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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