I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
