I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
