he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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