at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
