i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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