Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
