Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
