she looked like the before picture.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
