Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
