I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
