Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
