So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
