i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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