Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
