Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
