Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
