I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
