just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
