Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
