hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
