the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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