Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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