thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
