I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In America we eat man semen.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
