So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
