I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
