those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
