oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
