my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it's like heaven, but drunker
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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