Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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