and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize