I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
