No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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