My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
