Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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