I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
