Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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