Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
