I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
