Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
