Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
