i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
