In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
