Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She told me I should be a condom model.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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