I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
