her facebook's as public as her vagina
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
