All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
whose parrot is this?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
