My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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