I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
