Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
