We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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