why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize