You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
