I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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