so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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