I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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